22 April 2008
today
I wonder when I will fully grasp the importance of focusing on today and grabbing a hold of all that today has to offer. Will I ever grasp it is the question? Or will it be a lifelong struggle, part of my struggle on this journey to my personal legend? I'm a dreamer. I have come to accept that as one of the greatest beauties in my life and as one of the greatest curses. So often in life our greatest strength is also our greatest weakness and I have come to accept the fact that mine is that I am a dreamer. I dream all day long. Of a better life for all creation, of how to change the world, of how to put my small ideas into motion, of how to make my big dreams come to life, of how to take away the pain of my friends around me, how to take away the pain of the billions of people who don't have clean water or enough food or are dying of AIDS each day, how to love my neighbor as I love myself, how to serve God and serve others, of where I will finish up my education and what I will do once I have finished it, I wonder if the pain, the scar tissue that is over my heart will ever truly go away or if it will always be there as a reminder of the healing that Jesus has done in my life, I dream of holding orphans in Africa, I dream of a cleaner, greener earth, of ending global warming, of the church being united as one body under Christ, of ending the sex trade, of reading this book and that book and gaining all the wisdom and knowledge that life has to offer, of being an amazing guitar player, of working in a coffee shop in Portland, of living and building community with my best friends, of new wineskin, of a totally brand new "structure" for the church, of beautiful, blissful, peaceful parks, of sitting on the tractor helping my dad on the farm, of the day when i will truly find my home in myself and in the restful, loving arms of the Father, and on and on. But when will I stop, rest, look around and see the beauty that is right in front of me? When will I allow my heart to rest in this moment and truly live for today and all that today has to offer? How many more tragic things need to happen in my world until I embrace the reality that there is no guarantee for tomorrow? When will that day come? When will I rest my head on my pillow on that day and know that I have lived fully for today? When? I know that day will come. The hope that is in my soul for that day will never fail. And even with a statement like that, I am still looking forward and dreaming of a future day. "I love today." I long for myself to say those words. When will I "wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving"? When will I embrace the words of Jesus Christ "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when that time comes"? When? Today.
03 April 2008
one year gone by....?
"To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving"
What is here today can truly be gone in an instant tomorrow. I have come to know this to be incredibly true in my life. My last journal entry was from a year ago, as I was deeply saddened and heart broken at the loss of my beloved grandmother. There wasn't a person on this earth that loved me so perfectly as did my dear gramma. I wonder where this year has gone, how I could let a whole year slip by without a single blog entry. How pathetic and apathetic really. How about I start doing the things in life that bring me life and bring me joy? That sounds like a novel thought. How delightful it would be to break out of pattern and habit and routine and break into light, creativity, life and joy. To truly wake up each morning and thank God for the opportunity to love again and create some more. Each new day is such a precious gift. We never know when the wheel's will fall off our truck, or our friends will be diagnosed with cancer, or our loved ones will leave never to return again, or we will lose our jobs, or we will say good-bye to friends not knowing when we will see each other again. There is such precious invaluable treasure in each day that we are allowed to live and move and breathe. I have so many dreams in my heart. I am a dreamer. I have come to realize that. Come to accept that as a part of what makes me me. A part of my identity as a child of God. The truth of being a dreamer is that your dreams though incredibly beautiful, will never come to pass unless they are acted upon. A dream without action is rather useless. Beautiful yes, but un-tapped into beauty, at best. Beauty that never reached it's full potential. I am honestly tired of dreaming. I'm ready to get off my butt and put my dreams into motion. I am tired of being lazy. Or feeling lazy. I am too hard on myself sometimes, i know this. There are things in my life that need to change. Being Proactive was a phrase I grew to love from a year ago. I learned so much from so many amazing people in my community about being proactive. About taking the hands that I have been given an putting them to the plow. Life is meant to be lived. I have faced adversity in my 27 years, especially in the last couple years. There are others who have faced adversity that I cannot fathom. What did I create with the adversity I have faced? That is the question I am asking myself. Created to create. Loved to love.
What is here today can truly be gone in an instant tomorrow. I have come to know this to be incredibly true in my life. My last journal entry was from a year ago, as I was deeply saddened and heart broken at the loss of my beloved grandmother. There wasn't a person on this earth that loved me so perfectly as did my dear gramma. I wonder where this year has gone, how I could let a whole year slip by without a single blog entry. How pathetic and apathetic really. How about I start doing the things in life that bring me life and bring me joy? That sounds like a novel thought. How delightful it would be to break out of pattern and habit and routine and break into light, creativity, life and joy. To truly wake up each morning and thank God for the opportunity to love again and create some more. Each new day is such a precious gift. We never know when the wheel's will fall off our truck, or our friends will be diagnosed with cancer, or our loved ones will leave never to return again, or we will lose our jobs, or we will say good-bye to friends not knowing when we will see each other again. There is such precious invaluable treasure in each day that we are allowed to live and move and breathe. I have so many dreams in my heart. I am a dreamer. I have come to realize that. Come to accept that as a part of what makes me me. A part of my identity as a child of God. The truth of being a dreamer is that your dreams though incredibly beautiful, will never come to pass unless they are acted upon. A dream without action is rather useless. Beautiful yes, but un-tapped into beauty, at best. Beauty that never reached it's full potential. I am honestly tired of dreaming. I'm ready to get off my butt and put my dreams into motion. I am tired of being lazy. Or feeling lazy. I am too hard on myself sometimes, i know this. There are things in my life that need to change. Being Proactive was a phrase I grew to love from a year ago. I learned so much from so many amazing people in my community about being proactive. About taking the hands that I have been given an putting them to the plow. Life is meant to be lived. I have faced adversity in my 27 years, especially in the last couple years. There are others who have faced adversity that I cannot fathom. What did I create with the adversity I have faced? That is the question I am asking myself. Created to create. Loved to love.
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