grandma's eulogy

Dear Grandma,

As I sit down to write your eulogy, my praise for your life, I find it rather difficult to try and sum up your life, the memories, and what you have meant to me, to us, in but a page or two. That seems ridiculous. It feels like something that should be written in a novel or made into a movie. I am only one person amongst the many many people you have affected in your lifetime, thus making this seem like such a great privilege, yet impossible feat to be able to do. I do like the fact however, that I can brag you up as one of the greatest ladies that I will ever know, so beautiful, so loving and you can’t say a thing about it.

Grandma, we’ve always been so close, and you played such a large role in my life. For the first 9 years of my life we lived in the same yard. And I’m hoping that you thought that was as great of a privilege as I did. You always tell the story of how one day you heard a knock on your door, it was me and I told you that mom had kicked me out of the house. So going to Grandma’s house wasn’t that big of a deal, one because it was only several yards away and two it was just something I did on occasion when I got into trouble. Of course it was much more than that. I remember when I used to ride in the combine with Grandpa you would always make us bologna and cheese sandwiches. To this day I still can’t figure out why they tasted so good. Apparently because you had some sort of special touch.

Growing up I made many trips with you and grandpa. Coffee nips and lemon-drops are some of my most vidid memories about those trips to be honest. Oh and on occasion you would give me one of those sugar-free candies and honestly Grandma, they never tasted very good, but I don’t think I said anything then because I probably didn’t want to make you feel bad. I remember all the “close calls” we had when we were traveling. We would always start our trips with prayer, asking for God to watch over us. Whether it was flying lawn chairs or having a car go from one ditch to the other right in front of us we were always safe. So I learned rather young of the God who protected us when we drove in the car.

I also made many camping trips with you and Grandpa, mostly to the Mouse River Park. Now camping with you and Grandpa never quite would be classified as “roughing it”. We didn’t make camp fires because we had the heater in the camper to keep us warm. And we didn’t use the stove in the camper because that was for food storage not food preparation so we ate at the cafe a lot. But oh how I loved those camping trips.

There is two words that us grandkids will never be able to forget and that’s strawberry shortcake and carmel bars.

I could go on and on with memories Grandma but I don’t think I would ever be satisfied because I would want to recount them all. I’m finding myself able to be so thankful, so incredibly thankful for each memory I have. One of the sweetest and most recent is this past Christmas, when all but two of us were crammed in your hospital room with you. Even with pneumonia and having to spend Christmas in a hospital bed you seemed so full of joy. And how amazing of a moment was that to look around that hospital room to see what you and Grandpa have done. The fruit of your labor. Your kids and grandkids all together, laughing together, singing together and giving you a hard time even when you were sick. But there in that room was what brought you the greatest joy, your family.

And in the days and years ahead I will continue to reflect on those memories. I think a part of me believed that you would always be around but sadly knew you probably wouldn’t. Over the past few years whenever I have been back to visit, you and Grandpa have had to tell me that “we may not be around when you come back”. You made such a rich deposit into my life that it’s hard to not cry when I really stop and think what you have meant to me. Because I know that I am who I am in large part because of what you taught me, how you loved me and the example that you set for me. I doubt if you care about all the things I accomplished in school or what I accomplished in baseball or anything else on paper that looks very good. I think what you are most proud of is first that I’m your grandson and second that I know Jesus. Even Grandpa and your kids and grandkids were secondary to how you loved Jesus. How fitting of your life Grandma, that in the same week we are celebrating your life we will be celebrating the resurrection of Jesus. I don’t think you would have wanted to have it any other way.

Grandpa told me that you had been telling him over that past few months, that you were “worn out”. Maybe all your stubbornness was making you tired. I mean, c’mon Grandma, how many 80 year olds get their hip replaced and don’t use so much as a cane afterwards or do something called physical therapy. Nope, not you. There you were with a new hip as agile as ever. We couldn’t slow you down and neither could Grandpa. I guess I wasn’t too surprised. You’ve always been so strong. And your body failed from a heart that got too big. All your loving, all your caring, all your giving, all your sharing, all your hugs and all your kisses…your heart just got too big and couldn’t contain all the love that was stored up in there.

Grandma, I think you’d be pretty upset with us if we were just sad today. If we only mourned your loss. There has never been a moment that you or Grandpa or our family have been in that there wasn’t laughter. What a precious gift our family has to be able to laugh together. I know you would want this day to be a celebration of your life and a rejoicing with you because of where you are at right now. Where you’re at there is no diabetes, no arthritis, no sore feet, no pain at all. Jesus wanted his faithful daughter t come home. And I bet you’re dancing with Jesus. I bet you’re singing with Jesus. You always loved to sing Grandma and what a beautiful voice you had. This life isn’t the end all. I think you taught us that well. There is more than just this life. There is an eternity to be spent in Heaven. As we’re missing you, thinking about you, wishing you were here, wondering why you’re gone; I’m sure you’re missing us too, but you’re probably having way too much fun. There is more joy there, where you are than I bet you know how to contain. I think you would tell us, “Hold on to Jesus and hold on to each other”.

As the only grandson to carry on the family name, I will do so proudly Grandma. You and Grandpa taught me the importance of re-telling stories and carrying on our heritage. I can’t wait to sit down with my kids someday and re-tell your story. I love you Grandma and I will miss you, but I will see you again someday. You have fought the good fight of faith, you have finished the race. I’m so very proud of you. Thank you for being the best Grandma that a grandson could ever have.

playing in the clouds

captivated by your beauty
intrigued by your loveliness
astonished by your grandeur
giddy-ed by your vastness
marveled by your goodness
transformed by your passion
humiliated by your faithfulness
enamored by your purity
ecstatified by your brightness
curioused by your mystery
strengthened by your creativity
maddified by your elasticity
modified by your grace
perplexed by your love
squinted by your light

(november 12, 2005)

taste of heaven.

i see the angels, i see the saints who have gone before us and they sing Alleluia.
Alleluia is the name on their lips. they force it out sometimes because they are so short of breath.
they can't even breathe in your presence. Alleluia is the praise on their lips. it gets louder and louder and louder, earth shatteringly loud and then it dies down. and then it gets quieter, almost to a whisper.

and then Alleluia comes again.
you soak it all in. you gather up all the praise. you hug it into yourself. and you smile.
and you say, 'THESE ARE MY PEOPLE'. 'I AM HE, WHO IS YOURS'....

and they saw you and they stared at you in awe. and they worshipped you. and they worshipped you with all their hearts.
and they didn't hold back. they just sang. and they just worshipped. and you said, 'NOW SING WORTHY'.
and they sang WORTHY. and they didn't stop.
and then you said, 'SING LOVELY'. and they sang LOVELY. and they refused to stop.
and beauty arose. and flowers arose. and the sun rose. and the sky got bluer. and the mountains, they got bigger.
and the trees got greener.

and they began. they began to sing HOLY. but you didn't tell them to sing HOLY this time. they just sang it.
all creation sang it. they worshipped. it didn't stop. and you soaked it all in.
and you hugged it all in. and you smiled. and your face began to shine. and your eyes began to get brighter.

and then...
and then it began to happen...

one tear and then two, began to drip from your eyes. then it was three and then four.
and then,
the tears began to flow. and the words began to come out of your mouth.
you whispered, 'THESE ARE MINE?' 'THESE ARE MY CHILDREN?' 'THESE ARE MY KIDS?' 'FATHER THESE ARE YOUR KIDS?'
and you began to shout, 'YOU ARE MY CHILDREN!' 'YOU ARE MINE!' 'AND I AM YOURS!' 'WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!'

and then, he said it...
he said...

'I LOVE YOU. AND I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU.'

(august 5, 2005)

dream child dream

dream child dream.
dream and don't stop.
dream like you've never dreamed before.
dream and don't let anyone tell you you can't.
dream, and dream about failing miserably.
then dream about getting up again.
and then dream about getting up again.

dream child dream.
dream that i'm holding you tight in my arms.
dream that i'm rocking you to sleep.
and then dream of rain that falls from heaven and waters the earth below.
dream of rain that pitter patters on the roof.
and dream child dream of rain that pitter patters on your heart.
dream child dream of a daddy that doesn't leave.
dream child dream of a daddy that says, 'you can do it'.
dream child dream of a daddy that won't hurt you.

and dream child dream of a daddy that says...
'i love you'.

(august 15, 2005)